Is this list like the video tape in The Ring?
I almost feel like if I finish reading it and I've seen all of the movies on it, I'm going to get a call from a raspy-voiced well zombie saying that I only have seven days to live.
Thank god for In the Mood for Love and The World of Apu.
I'm safe and sound as long as I don't see those.
Still...I feel somewhat validated by having seen 98% of that list.
It's a kind of victory, I guess, no matter how pathetic and fleeting.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Blindness
7. Blindness
Roger Ebert hated this film because it was so jarring to watch and he's completely right. It is jarring because Meirelles is trying to simulate the titular condition that afflicts all but one of the people in the film. Simply, a dude comes down with unexplainable blindness and it spreads to every person with whom he comes into contact: all but one woman. Basically it's allegorical of the phenomenon of moral blindness and, to an extent, the kind of group think that went on in Facist Europe in the 30s and 40s. It's idealistic and a bit naive at points, but overall it's probably an apt allegory. If you're looking for that kind of thing, though, you'd be better off renting The Ox-Bow Incident or Fury or Bad Day at Black Rock, all fantastic films that are much better and much less convoluted. In fact, that's exactly the problem with Blindness: it makes difficult a concept that has been done simpler and better...decades before! It may not be fair to compare this contemporay film with the three that I've mentioned, but it's also impossible to not compare them. In the shadow of those films, this one seems like a monumental waste of time (not to mention a step back from the vaunted pedestal that Fernando Meirelles had been standing on after City of God and The Constant Gardener). The fact of the matter is that Meirelles gives us the best he can based on the source material. After the characters are rendered sightless, their actions are one-dimensional and only serve to move the plot. Every bad thing that happens is so convenient! This film seems so...inorganic. So artificial. And that's all that Blindness is: artiface. Meirelles and, by proxy, Saramago use poorly-crafted plot devices and convenient characterization to pull the wool over our eyes, so we don't see how shallow this film really is.
Grade: D (put those other three movies on your netflix queue)
Roger Ebert hated this film because it was so jarring to watch and he's completely right. It is jarring because Meirelles is trying to simulate the titular condition that afflicts all but one of the people in the film. Simply, a dude comes down with unexplainable blindness and it spreads to every person with whom he comes into contact: all but one woman. Basically it's allegorical of the phenomenon of moral blindness and, to an extent, the kind of group think that went on in Facist Europe in the 30s and 40s. It's idealistic and a bit naive at points, but overall it's probably an apt allegory. If you're looking for that kind of thing, though, you'd be better off renting The Ox-Bow Incident or Fury or Bad Day at Black Rock, all fantastic films that are much better and much less convoluted. In fact, that's exactly the problem with Blindness: it makes difficult a concept that has been done simpler and better...decades before! It may not be fair to compare this contemporay film with the three that I've mentioned, but it's also impossible to not compare them. In the shadow of those films, this one seems like a monumental waste of time (not to mention a step back from the vaunted pedestal that Fernando Meirelles had been standing on after City of God and The Constant Gardener). The fact of the matter is that Meirelles gives us the best he can based on the source material. After the characters are rendered sightless, their actions are one-dimensional and only serve to move the plot. Every bad thing that happens is so convenient! This film seems so...inorganic. So artificial. And that's all that Blindness is: artiface. Meirelles and, by proxy, Saramago use poorly-crafted plot devices and convenient characterization to pull the wool over our eyes, so we don't see how shallow this film really is.
Grade: D (put those other three movies on your netflix queue)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Frozen River
6. Frozen River
Melissa Leo hasn't really done much worth noting, not for lack of talent, though. To be honest, she doesn't have the conventional beauty for most of the parts being offered to your Cameron Diaz's or Julia Roberts'. She doesn't possess the kind of sexuality that a leading lady does. In fact, her role in Frozen River is aptly comparable to Julia Roberts' role in Erin Brockovich. Leo's character, Ray, is a kind of anti-Erin-Brockovich. Instead of relying and sometimes exploiting her good looks, Ray relies on her wits and the urgency of the moment. She turns to what she sees as a victimless crime, a lucrative proposition in which she helps smuggle people over a fuzzy, unprotected border on a Mohawk reservation. Since the border between Canada and the US runs through Mohawk territory, it is unmonitered by authorities. Seeing a better opportunity than her job at the Yankee Dollar to get the double-wide that she needs to raise her family, she and a Mohawk woman smuggle people over the border. Courtney Hunt's terrific script is both subtle and unfettered by the cautious eye of a studio head. She pulls no punches and, through her deft direction, pulls a performance out of Leo that is more haunting than it is memorable.
Grade: B+
Next Entry: Wednesday
Melissa Leo hasn't really done much worth noting, not for lack of talent, though. To be honest, she doesn't have the conventional beauty for most of the parts being offered to your Cameron Diaz's or Julia Roberts'. She doesn't possess the kind of sexuality that a leading lady does. In fact, her role in Frozen River is aptly comparable to Julia Roberts' role in Erin Brockovich. Leo's character, Ray, is a kind of anti-Erin-Brockovich. Instead of relying and sometimes exploiting her good looks, Ray relies on her wits and the urgency of the moment. She turns to what she sees as a victimless crime, a lucrative proposition in which she helps smuggle people over a fuzzy, unprotected border on a Mohawk reservation. Since the border between Canada and the US runs through Mohawk territory, it is unmonitered by authorities. Seeing a better opportunity than her job at the Yankee Dollar to get the double-wide that she needs to raise her family, she and a Mohawk woman smuggle people over the border. Courtney Hunt's terrific script is both subtle and unfettered by the cautious eye of a studio head. She pulls no punches and, through her deft direction, pulls a performance out of Leo that is more haunting than it is memorable.
Grade: B+
Next Entry: Wednesday
Monday, February 16, 2009
5. W.
George W. Bush is and will remain a person of great interest. His presidency was one wrought with failure and corruption. He deserves to be examined by authors and directors, but this movie may have come a bit too soon. I'm sure Oliver Stone's intentions were good, but the writing is so poor. the script feels more like a MadLibs(tee-em) of Bush soundbites than a narrative script. Maybe with some time and more reflection, this story would have more depth. It's a shame because the man is more interesting than this film makes him out to be. The fine performances from Elizabeth Banks, Toby Young, Richard Dreyfuss and Josh Brolin are wasted. Maybe instead of striking while the iron is hot, as he did with his last film World Trade Center he should wait a while, like with his best film, JFK.
Grade: C
Next Post: Tuesday
George W. Bush is and will remain a person of great interest. His presidency was one wrought with failure and corruption. He deserves to be examined by authors and directors, but this movie may have come a bit too soon. I'm sure Oliver Stone's intentions were good, but the writing is so poor. the script feels more like a MadLibs(tee-em) of Bush soundbites than a narrative script. Maybe with some time and more reflection, this story would have more depth. It's a shame because the man is more interesting than this film makes him out to be. The fine performances from Elizabeth Banks, Toby Young, Richard Dreyfuss and Josh Brolin are wasted. Maybe instead of striking while the iron is hot, as he did with his last film World Trade Center he should wait a while, like with his best film, JFK.
Grade: C
Next Post: Tuesday
Friday, February 13, 2009
The Breaking of Pelham 123
No no no no NO!
Goddamn Tony Scott. Why?
WHY?!
The Taking of Pelham 123 was already fine on it's own. It wasn't as serious and maybe it was a little uneven at times, but shit. It was a fully-actualized film! We don't need another one.
(next post on Monday)
Goddamn Tony Scott. Why?
WHY?!
The Taking of Pelham 123 was already fine on it's own. It wasn't as serious and maybe it was a little uneven at times, but shit. It was a fully-actualized film! We don't need another one.
(next post on Monday)
Monday, January 26, 2009
Week One Part One: 4 of 11 Movies
1. Saw V
I can't think of a storyline or a group of characters that I've wanted to see five times. This is not a good movie. On its own it would be one of the worst movies of the year. I get why people like the Saw franchise, though: I get why I keep watching the Saw franchise. It's the same reason people watched Freddy Krueger and Jason for so long: not because we're sadists or because we love torture-porn. It's because the story isn't over yet. It's like The DaVinci Code in that sense: the method is shitty, but I'll be damned if the story isn't interesting. I guess that's why people read mysteries, even though they all have the same plot line. It's interesting to note, too, that Jigsaw may have grown into our generation's Robin Hood. That's what it is, after all: a maverick doling out justice, albeit extreme and gratuitous, to guilty parties. Still, though...after Saw VI, I hope Lion's Gate is finished. On the other hand, would you trash a franchise that pays you 18 times the amount of money you put into it? Grade: C-
2. Max Payne
The best video game movie ever made. That should say more about the state of movies adapted from video games than it does about this movie. I think this movie works, but only if you've played the game. If not? Avoid it. It's violent, it's bleak, at times it's confusing...and worst of all...it stars Beau Bridges, the Randy Quaid of actors.
Oh wait. Grade: C
3. Igor
This one starts off pretty well. It starts quirky and funny, but all of the quirk and fun is sapped by the second act. It's like drinking a Jones Fufuberry soda: it starts off really delicious and slightly tart, but an hour later it leaves the worst aftertaste in your mouth and you regret drinking it. Grade: C-
4. The Express
Finally! Ernie Davis has been deserving of widespread attention for decades. Not just because he was the first Black Heisman winner, but because he was one hell of an athlete. It provides some pretty good insights on how horrible the race conditions in colleges were back in the late 50s. Overall, it's effectively acted and well-paced, even if it's not as exhaustive as I'd have liked. Also of note is that Ernie Davis was almost a Washington Redskin, but due to George Marshall's history of bigotry (there were no people of color on the team until '62, a small irony for a team called the redskins) Davis demanded that a trade to Cleveland be made, which brought Bobby Mitchell to the Redskins. In retrospect, I'd say the ole 'Skins got the better deal, considering Mitchell's all-pro ability and Davis' inability to stay alive. Some luck Cleveland has with sports, huh? Well...maybe LeBron will make things better. Grade: B
More to come on Wednesday!
I can't think of a storyline or a group of characters that I've wanted to see five times. This is not a good movie. On its own it would be one of the worst movies of the year. I get why people like the Saw franchise, though: I get why I keep watching the Saw franchise. It's the same reason people watched Freddy Krueger and Jason for so long: not because we're sadists or because we love torture-porn. It's because the story isn't over yet. It's like The DaVinci Code in that sense: the method is shitty, but I'll be damned if the story isn't interesting. I guess that's why people read mysteries, even though they all have the same plot line. It's interesting to note, too, that Jigsaw may have grown into our generation's Robin Hood. That's what it is, after all: a maverick doling out justice, albeit extreme and gratuitous, to guilty parties. Still, though...after Saw VI, I hope Lion's Gate is finished. On the other hand, would you trash a franchise that pays you 18 times the amount of money you put into it? Grade: C-
2. Max Payne
The best video game movie ever made. That should say more about the state of movies adapted from video games than it does about this movie. I think this movie works, but only if you've played the game. If not? Avoid it. It's violent, it's bleak, at times it's confusing...and worst of all...it stars Beau Bridges, the Randy Quaid of actors.
Oh wait. Grade: C
3. Igor
This one starts off pretty well. It starts quirky and funny, but all of the quirk and fun is sapped by the second act. It's like drinking a Jones Fufuberry soda: it starts off really delicious and slightly tart, but an hour later it leaves the worst aftertaste in your mouth and you regret drinking it. Grade: C-
4. The Express
Finally! Ernie Davis has been deserving of widespread attention for decades. Not just because he was the first Black Heisman winner, but because he was one hell of an athlete. It provides some pretty good insights on how horrible the race conditions in colleges were back in the late 50s. Overall, it's effectively acted and well-paced, even if it's not as exhaustive as I'd have liked. Also of note is that Ernie Davis was almost a Washington Redskin, but due to George Marshall's history of bigotry (there were no people of color on the team until '62, a small irony for a team called the redskins) Davis demanded that a trade to Cleveland be made, which brought Bobby Mitchell to the Redskins. In retrospect, I'd say the ole 'Skins got the better deal, considering Mitchell's all-pro ability and Davis' inability to stay alive. Some luck Cleveland has with sports, huh? Well...maybe LeBron will make things better. Grade: B
More to come on Wednesday!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The Worst Films I Saw in 2008: Part 3
The final three films on this list are bad. Really bad.
3. The Women
In 1938, George Cukor directed a classic movie called The Women. The genius behind Murphy Brown decided to remake it, proving that lightening doesn't strike twice in the same place. She turns The Women into more of a Maury Povich episode than a witty slapstick. The worst thing of all is how stupid and cliche she makes the characters. So what once was a movie (and play before it) championing the rights and competencies of women becomes the exact opposite.
2. Meet the Spartans
It gives me chills to think that this is a year where Meet the Spartans isn't the worst movie. This one has no recognizable plot. It's just a bunch of spoofs plugged into the plot of the Spartan movie 300, which was a little light on plot itself. The problem lies not with the form of the movie, but with the way in which it is undertaken. Instead of sending up a genre that is ripe for a little ribbing (gladiator movies, essentially; although, one of those comes along maybe once every 10 years now...this might have been a better idea had it been made around 1967 or so), the directors/writers attempt to cram as many pop culture references into 84 minutes as they can. The references don't even make sense. I wish I had a time machine so I could smack this out of my hand at Blockbusters.
1. 10,000 BC
This one is worse that the previous movie for one reason: it takes itself seriously.
The only thing good about this film is that, eventually, it ends.
The director and screenwriter are co-writing a feature film about the Mayan predictions of 2012. It's supposed to be released in November, but let's all collectively pray that, if the end of the world is coming, 2012 will be pushed back until the middle of 2012 so we never, ever have to see it.
There you have it. The 20 worst films that I saw in 2008.
Tune in on Monday for the first scheduled entry of this blog.
3. The Women
In 1938, George Cukor directed a classic movie called The Women. The genius behind Murphy Brown decided to remake it, proving that lightening doesn't strike twice in the same place. She turns The Women into more of a Maury Povich episode than a witty slapstick. The worst thing of all is how stupid and cliche she makes the characters. So what once was a movie (and play before it) championing the rights and competencies of women becomes the exact opposite.
2. Meet the Spartans
It gives me chills to think that this is a year where Meet the Spartans isn't the worst movie. This one has no recognizable plot. It's just a bunch of spoofs plugged into the plot of the Spartan movie 300, which was a little light on plot itself. The problem lies not with the form of the movie, but with the way in which it is undertaken. Instead of sending up a genre that is ripe for a little ribbing (gladiator movies, essentially; although, one of those comes along maybe once every 10 years now...this might have been a better idea had it been made around 1967 or so), the directors/writers attempt to cram as many pop culture references into 84 minutes as they can. The references don't even make sense. I wish I had a time machine so I could smack this out of my hand at Blockbusters.
1. 10,000 BC
This one is worse that the previous movie for one reason: it takes itself seriously.
The only thing good about this film is that, eventually, it ends.
The director and screenwriter are co-writing a feature film about the Mayan predictions of 2012. It's supposed to be released in November, but let's all collectively pray that, if the end of the world is coming, 2012 will be pushed back until the middle of 2012 so we never, ever have to see it.
There you have it. The 20 worst films that I saw in 2008.
Tune in on Monday for the first scheduled entry of this blog.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
The 20 Worst Films I Saw In 2008: Part 2
The Razzies were announced today and I'm happy to say that, with the exception of the excessively-maligned The Happening, my picks are similar.
A quick note about The Happening: it would be included in this list, but there was way too much effort put into it. The acting is mediocre and the plot is ludicrous, but it's beautifully shot and technically sound. That earns it some points: just enough to keep it off the list.
10. You Don't Mess With the Zohan
Adam Sandler movies haven't been hilarious since 1999, but his comedies are usually fun, although mindless. In the past decade he has even had some decent dramatic roles, especially the under appreciated and virtually unseen Reign Over Me. So we know Sandler can make decent movies, but lately with Zohan and last year's I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry he has been making well-intentioned, intriguing comedies. Zohan and Chuck and Larry are interesting premises, but Sandler dumbs everything down, striving for the broad, superficial guffaws instead of wise, smart chuckles. The results culminate in two bad films. What's worse is that the two films offer two drastic over-simplifications of two serious issues. If Sandler wants to make a serious comedy about the Israeli/Palestinian or any other social conflict, we are waiting with open arms. If not, we can only hope that he refrains from muddying the already hazy waters of public discourse.
9. The Strangers
This is a not-so-blatant ripoff of a better, scarier Romanian movie called Them. It's a home-invasion story and it relies mostly on atmosphere, but it turns into a normal slasher flick when we see the killers. That's the biggest mistake. If you want to create atmosphere, you don't see the bad guys until absolutely necessary. I wish Bryan Bertino (the director), who is obviously talented, would have watched Rosemary's Baby or Don't Look Now or even Klute so he could see how tension can be built effectively into horror. When we do find out who the killers are we are presented with a disturbingly nihilistic ending. It doesn't really ring true in the same way the ending of Them does. All in all, this is a bad film, but not for a lack of effort.
8 and 7. War and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
One is an action movie starring Jason Statham and Jet Li. The other is a fantasy based on a video game starring Jason Statham and directed by Uwe Boll. Both are bad. Really bad. This is where the good intentioned films stop and the horrendous ones begin. War is an action film without any exciting action. In the Name of the King is a fantasy film that isn't fantastic in the least. Jason Statham seems to know exactly where his place in cinema is: the star of action films that don't put too much pressure on the audience to think. Most of the time he succeeds, so I can't blame the horrible writing of either film on him. Or the confusing/ridiculous plots. Or the lazy direction. Statham seems to invest as much of himself in these films as he can. My advice? Ignore these and rent The Bank Job.
6. Star Wars: The Clone Wars
George Lucas is like the opposite of wine or cheese: he seems to much less talented with age. Did he just waste all of his creative juices on American Graffiti and the Star Wars saga? The script reads exactly like video game dialogue. The problem here is that video games are interactive. George Lucas should be pretty ashamed of this one.
5. August Rush
So...ask yourself this.
Two musicians meet, one straight-laced no-nonsense cellist, the other a conflicted, charming Irish lead singer. They spend a night together and fall in love. They make love. She gets pregnant because although she's a virtuoso cellist, she's but a coital novice who, I guess, doesn't know how babies are made. She decides to keep the kid and her no-nonsense father doesn't let the Irish lad see his pregnant paramour. The cellist, who is fed a handful of lies as to why her lover skipped town, brings the kid to term and while she is sleeping the father forges adoption papers and tells his daughter that the baby was dead. The woman mourns, the Irishman pines. Enter August Rush who is bullied at an orphanage for not knowing who his parents are. I'll repeat: he's bullied at an orphanage for not knowing who his parents are. So August decides that love is gonna bust him out of jail and he makes his way to Manhattan. But wait! The kid is real amazing. He can play any instrument after messing around with it for three minutes. So, he meets Robin “Fagin” Williams, who runs a kind of juvenile Julliard for homeless kids, and he picks up on of the kids’ guitars. Oh…did I mention that Williams forces the kids to become street performers? So August picks up a guitar and…TA DA!...he’s Django fucking Rhinehardt. So eventually his parents reconnect, but not before August learns how to play piano, score music, write symphonies, get accepted into Julliard and get his own concert in Central Park.
Is that something that would interest you?
Or would you prefer being drawn and quartered?
I think August Rush wins out over being drawn and quartered…
…but only just barely.
4. 88 Minutes
If you can’t guess who is trying to murder Al Pacino in 88 minutes, you have to punch yourself in the face. Seriously. Al Pacino’s character must be the stupidest man on Earth and probably deserved to be killed. Oh well…he narrowly escapes despite so many obvious clues. I guess the ending of The Sixth Sense, but I feel like that was a fluke. This is one twist that everyone will see coming.
The final 3 films are equally bad, but in different ways.
Find out what they are tomorrow night!
A quick note about The Happening: it would be included in this list, but there was way too much effort put into it. The acting is mediocre and the plot is ludicrous, but it's beautifully shot and technically sound. That earns it some points: just enough to keep it off the list.
10. You Don't Mess With the Zohan
Adam Sandler movies haven't been hilarious since 1999, but his comedies are usually fun, although mindless. In the past decade he has even had some decent dramatic roles, especially the under appreciated and virtually unseen Reign Over Me. So we know Sandler can make decent movies, but lately with Zohan and last year's I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry he has been making well-intentioned, intriguing comedies. Zohan and Chuck and Larry are interesting premises, but Sandler dumbs everything down, striving for the broad, superficial guffaws instead of wise, smart chuckles. The results culminate in two bad films. What's worse is that the two films offer two drastic over-simplifications of two serious issues. If Sandler wants to make a serious comedy about the Israeli/Palestinian or any other social conflict, we are waiting with open arms. If not, we can only hope that he refrains from muddying the already hazy waters of public discourse.
9. The Strangers
This is a not-so-blatant ripoff of a better, scarier Romanian movie called Them. It's a home-invasion story and it relies mostly on atmosphere, but it turns into a normal slasher flick when we see the killers. That's the biggest mistake. If you want to create atmosphere, you don't see the bad guys until absolutely necessary. I wish Bryan Bertino (the director), who is obviously talented, would have watched Rosemary's Baby or Don't Look Now or even Klute so he could see how tension can be built effectively into horror. When we do find out who the killers are we are presented with a disturbingly nihilistic ending. It doesn't really ring true in the same way the ending of Them does. All in all, this is a bad film, but not for a lack of effort.
8 and 7. War and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
One is an action movie starring Jason Statham and Jet Li. The other is a fantasy based on a video game starring Jason Statham and directed by Uwe Boll. Both are bad. Really bad. This is where the good intentioned films stop and the horrendous ones begin. War is an action film without any exciting action. In the Name of the King is a fantasy film that isn't fantastic in the least. Jason Statham seems to know exactly where his place in cinema is: the star of action films that don't put too much pressure on the audience to think. Most of the time he succeeds, so I can't blame the horrible writing of either film on him. Or the confusing/ridiculous plots. Or the lazy direction. Statham seems to invest as much of himself in these films as he can. My advice? Ignore these and rent The Bank Job.
6. Star Wars: The Clone Wars
George Lucas is like the opposite of wine or cheese: he seems to much less talented with age. Did he just waste all of his creative juices on American Graffiti and the Star Wars saga? The script reads exactly like video game dialogue. The problem here is that video games are interactive. George Lucas should be pretty ashamed of this one.
5. August Rush
So...ask yourself this.
Two musicians meet, one straight-laced no-nonsense cellist, the other a conflicted, charming Irish lead singer. They spend a night together and fall in love. They make love. She gets pregnant because although she's a virtuoso cellist, she's but a coital novice who, I guess, doesn't know how babies are made. She decides to keep the kid and her no-nonsense father doesn't let the Irish lad see his pregnant paramour. The cellist, who is fed a handful of lies as to why her lover skipped town, brings the kid to term and while she is sleeping the father forges adoption papers and tells his daughter that the baby was dead. The woman mourns, the Irishman pines. Enter August Rush who is bullied at an orphanage for not knowing who his parents are. I'll repeat: he's bullied at an orphanage for not knowing who his parents are. So August decides that love is gonna bust him out of jail and he makes his way to Manhattan. But wait! The kid is real amazing. He can play any instrument after messing around with it for three minutes. So, he meets Robin “Fagin” Williams, who runs a kind of juvenile Julliard for homeless kids, and he picks up on of the kids’ guitars. Oh…did I mention that Williams forces the kids to become street performers? So August picks up a guitar and…TA DA!...he’s Django fucking Rhinehardt. So eventually his parents reconnect, but not before August learns how to play piano, score music, write symphonies, get accepted into Julliard and get his own concert in Central Park.
Is that something that would interest you?
Or would you prefer being drawn and quartered?
I think August Rush wins out over being drawn and quartered…
…but only just barely.
4. 88 Minutes
If you can’t guess who is trying to murder Al Pacino in 88 minutes, you have to punch yourself in the face. Seriously. Al Pacino’s character must be the stupidest man on Earth and probably deserved to be killed. Oh well…he narrowly escapes despite so many obvious clues. I guess the ending of The Sixth Sense, but I feel like that was a fluke. This is one twist that everyone will see coming.
The final 3 films are equally bad, but in different ways.
Find out what they are tomorrow night!
Friday, January 9, 2009
The 20 Worst Films of 2008 part 1
I don't know whether it's a mark of pride or shame that I am willing to see most any movie that has been released. I do discriminate, but not much: I refused to see Funny Games because it was a shot-for-shot remake of a movie that I found misguided and morally objectionable. I didn't see The Hottie and The Nottie because it was a complete waste of my time.
But I did see the following 20 movies...so you be the judge of how proud or ashamed I should be.
20. War, INC
This wasn't a failure of execution: the actors do their best with what was written for them. The best I can say is that there were a few good ideas in the script and that I understand what the director was trying to accomplish. The goal is to satirize the military-industrial complex and while there are some very good moments in this film, the script and disorganized direction hold it back from being anything note-worthy.
19. Sex and the City
Talk about long-winded. Maybe it's because I'm a dude. But...I liked the show, so what happened here? I have a feeling that most of any acclaim this film received was from fans of the show who were champing at the bit for a few more fleeting seconds with their old friends. Wouldn't it have been better for the SitC fans if the movie has actually been good?
18. Chapter 27
I think the circumstances behind John Lennon's murder were really fascinating. The connections to Catcher in the Rye, the connections to Hinckley and how celebrity culture had begun to get out of hand are all issues that could have been dealt with if the film was written by a more experienced filmmaker: one not so concerned with making his mark or being controversial. The narrative is told through the blurry goggles of Mark Chapman, which is all well and good unless you want to tell a compelling story. Because Mark David Chapman was a bit boring.
17. Eagle Eye
It's okay to employ fantasy in action movies, but this one goes a little far. Are we really to believe that a Julianne Moore-voiced robot has gone rogue and is now in the process of assassinating the top twelve people in the Presidential line of ascendancy? So that Michael Chiklis can PotUS? You expect us to buy that? Really?
Well screw you, too Mr. DJ Caruso!
16. Youth Without Youth
Remember when Michael Jordan came out of retirement and everyone was concerned that playing for the Washington Wizards would tarnish his legacy? It didn't, really...or at least not much. Let's say that Jordan coming out of retirement is like when Francis Ford Coppola directed Jack and The Rainmaker. By most standards, those two films were failures, but nothing big enough to tarnish such a great career.
Now...consider Mike Tyson: he was at the top of his sport for a very long time until he had to take some time off (in jail). So he came back a couple of years later and ended up biting a guys ear off, losing three of his last four fights, getting a face tattoo, wrestling in the WWE and threatening to eat someones babies...remember that?
That's what it's like when Coppola directs Youth Without Youth. Francis Ford Coppola just bit off our ear. We've just entered the danger zone.
15. The Love Guru
Mike Myers is a very funny man. I'm willing to admit that much. His latest movie, though, is just more of the same. I'm not railing against it because it's similar to his other films. I didn't like the movie because his gags are not very funny. There's nothing in this movie with the hilarious lasting power that drove the Wayne's World and Austin Powers franchises. We can only hope that Guru Pitka is either a one-shot character or that Myers returns to form.
14. Strange Wilderness
You can't blame the actors because Steve Zahn, Justin Long, Kevin Heffernan, Jonah Hill and Jeff Garlin are all very funny men. The jokes are so stale and the writing is so limiting that a bunch of very skilled comedic actors cannot save this movie. It's just a huge waste of talent.
13. Superhero Movie
I can't blame the directors and writers of this one for trying to capitalize on the growing trend of spoof movies. I just thought that we'd come farther as a society. The crazy thing is that this is the best spoof film of the year. Let's make a New Year's resolution to stop supporting spoof films.
12. Norbit
I swear to God that the first ten or fifteen minutes of this film are pretty funny. After that it nosedives into a pool of crude jokes that often border on racism. Murphy, as he has done before, plays multiple characters, including an Asian man. This is one of the more racist caricatures of a stereotypical East Asian man since Breakfast at Tiffany's. Unfortunately, this film was rewarded by the Academy for best achievement in makeup. The Oscar is well deserved, though, even if the content in the film is not.
11. September Dawn
I didn't just put this film at 11 because it's about the September 11th Mountain Meadow Massacre. The film is genuinely horrible, too! The filmmakers do two things wrong with this film. First, they vilify the LDS when the situation was probably far more complicated. The movie comes off as an indictment not only of the men involved with the massacre, but also of Brigham Young (which doesn't seem like much of a stretch) and of Mormons the world over (which is ridiculous). The film is narrow-minded when it comes to the causes and effects of the Mountain Meadow Massacre, but the filmmakers commit an even greater sin. They turn the whole even into melodrama. What an insult to the ancestors of the few survivors of the massacre! It's amazing that there are so many films worse than this oversimplified, manipulative piece of garbage.
But there are!
Come back on Monday to find out which ones!
But I did see the following 20 movies...so you be the judge of how proud or ashamed I should be.
20. War, INC
This wasn't a failure of execution: the actors do their best with what was written for them. The best I can say is that there were a few good ideas in the script and that I understand what the director was trying to accomplish. The goal is to satirize the military-industrial complex and while there are some very good moments in this film, the script and disorganized direction hold it back from being anything note-worthy.
19. Sex and the City
Talk about long-winded. Maybe it's because I'm a dude. But...I liked the show, so what happened here? I have a feeling that most of any acclaim this film received was from fans of the show who were champing at the bit for a few more fleeting seconds with their old friends. Wouldn't it have been better for the SitC fans if the movie has actually been good?
18. Chapter 27
I think the circumstances behind John Lennon's murder were really fascinating. The connections to Catcher in the Rye, the connections to Hinckley and how celebrity culture had begun to get out of hand are all issues that could have been dealt with if the film was written by a more experienced filmmaker: one not so concerned with making his mark or being controversial. The narrative is told through the blurry goggles of Mark Chapman, which is all well and good unless you want to tell a compelling story. Because Mark David Chapman was a bit boring.
17. Eagle Eye
It's okay to employ fantasy in action movies, but this one goes a little far. Are we really to believe that a Julianne Moore-voiced robot has gone rogue and is now in the process of assassinating the top twelve people in the Presidential line of ascendancy? So that Michael Chiklis can PotUS? You expect us to buy that? Really?
Well screw you, too Mr. DJ Caruso!
16. Youth Without Youth
Remember when Michael Jordan came out of retirement and everyone was concerned that playing for the Washington Wizards would tarnish his legacy? It didn't, really...or at least not much. Let's say that Jordan coming out of retirement is like when Francis Ford Coppola directed Jack and The Rainmaker. By most standards, those two films were failures, but nothing big enough to tarnish such a great career.
Now...consider Mike Tyson: he was at the top of his sport for a very long time until he had to take some time off (in jail). So he came back a couple of years later and ended up biting a guys ear off, losing three of his last four fights, getting a face tattoo, wrestling in the WWE and threatening to eat someones babies...remember that?
That's what it's like when Coppola directs Youth Without Youth. Francis Ford Coppola just bit off our ear. We've just entered the danger zone.
15. The Love Guru
Mike Myers is a very funny man. I'm willing to admit that much. His latest movie, though, is just more of the same. I'm not railing against it because it's similar to his other films. I didn't like the movie because his gags are not very funny. There's nothing in this movie with the hilarious lasting power that drove the Wayne's World and Austin Powers franchises. We can only hope that Guru Pitka is either a one-shot character or that Myers returns to form.
14. Strange Wilderness
You can't blame the actors because Steve Zahn, Justin Long, Kevin Heffernan, Jonah Hill and Jeff Garlin are all very funny men. The jokes are so stale and the writing is so limiting that a bunch of very skilled comedic actors cannot save this movie. It's just a huge waste of talent.
13. Superhero Movie
I can't blame the directors and writers of this one for trying to capitalize on the growing trend of spoof movies. I just thought that we'd come farther as a society. The crazy thing is that this is the best spoof film of the year. Let's make a New Year's resolution to stop supporting spoof films.
12. Norbit
I swear to God that the first ten or fifteen minutes of this film are pretty funny. After that it nosedives into a pool of crude jokes that often border on racism. Murphy, as he has done before, plays multiple characters, including an Asian man. This is one of the more racist caricatures of a stereotypical East Asian man since Breakfast at Tiffany's. Unfortunately, this film was rewarded by the Academy for best achievement in makeup. The Oscar is well deserved, though, even if the content in the film is not.
11. September Dawn
I didn't just put this film at 11 because it's about the September 11th Mountain Meadow Massacre. The film is genuinely horrible, too! The filmmakers do two things wrong with this film. First, they vilify the LDS when the situation was probably far more complicated. The movie comes off as an indictment not only of the men involved with the massacre, but also of Brigham Young (which doesn't seem like much of a stretch) and of Mormons the world over (which is ridiculous). The film is narrow-minded when it comes to the causes and effects of the Mountain Meadow Massacre, but the filmmakers commit an even greater sin. They turn the whole even into melodrama. What an insult to the ancestors of the few survivors of the massacre! It's amazing that there are so many films worse than this oversimplified, manipulative piece of garbage.
But there are!
Come back on Monday to find out which ones!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)