Is this list like the video tape in The Ring?
I almost feel like if I finish reading it and I've seen all of the movies on it, I'm going to get a call from a raspy-voiced well zombie saying that I only have seven days to live.
Thank god for In the Mood for Love and The World of Apu.
I'm safe and sound as long as I don't see those.
Still...I feel somewhat validated by having seen 98% of that list.
It's a kind of victory, I guess, no matter how pathetic and fleeting.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Blindness
7. Blindness
Roger Ebert hated this film because it was so jarring to watch and he's completely right. It is jarring because Meirelles is trying to simulate the titular condition that afflicts all but one of the people in the film. Simply, a dude comes down with unexplainable blindness and it spreads to every person with whom he comes into contact: all but one woman. Basically it's allegorical of the phenomenon of moral blindness and, to an extent, the kind of group think that went on in Facist Europe in the 30s and 40s. It's idealistic and a bit naive at points, but overall it's probably an apt allegory. If you're looking for that kind of thing, though, you'd be better off renting The Ox-Bow Incident or Fury or Bad Day at Black Rock, all fantastic films that are much better and much less convoluted. In fact, that's exactly the problem with Blindness: it makes difficult a concept that has been done simpler and better...decades before! It may not be fair to compare this contemporay film with the three that I've mentioned, but it's also impossible to not compare them. In the shadow of those films, this one seems like a monumental waste of time (not to mention a step back from the vaunted pedestal that Fernando Meirelles had been standing on after City of God and The Constant Gardener). The fact of the matter is that Meirelles gives us the best he can based on the source material. After the characters are rendered sightless, their actions are one-dimensional and only serve to move the plot. Every bad thing that happens is so convenient! This film seems so...inorganic. So artificial. And that's all that Blindness is: artiface. Meirelles and, by proxy, Saramago use poorly-crafted plot devices and convenient characterization to pull the wool over our eyes, so we don't see how shallow this film really is.
Grade: D (put those other three movies on your netflix queue)
Roger Ebert hated this film because it was so jarring to watch and he's completely right. It is jarring because Meirelles is trying to simulate the titular condition that afflicts all but one of the people in the film. Simply, a dude comes down with unexplainable blindness and it spreads to every person with whom he comes into contact: all but one woman. Basically it's allegorical of the phenomenon of moral blindness and, to an extent, the kind of group think that went on in Facist Europe in the 30s and 40s. It's idealistic and a bit naive at points, but overall it's probably an apt allegory. If you're looking for that kind of thing, though, you'd be better off renting The Ox-Bow Incident or Fury or Bad Day at Black Rock, all fantastic films that are much better and much less convoluted. In fact, that's exactly the problem with Blindness: it makes difficult a concept that has been done simpler and better...decades before! It may not be fair to compare this contemporay film with the three that I've mentioned, but it's also impossible to not compare them. In the shadow of those films, this one seems like a monumental waste of time (not to mention a step back from the vaunted pedestal that Fernando Meirelles had been standing on after City of God and The Constant Gardener). The fact of the matter is that Meirelles gives us the best he can based on the source material. After the characters are rendered sightless, their actions are one-dimensional and only serve to move the plot. Every bad thing that happens is so convenient! This film seems so...inorganic. So artificial. And that's all that Blindness is: artiface. Meirelles and, by proxy, Saramago use poorly-crafted plot devices and convenient characterization to pull the wool over our eyes, so we don't see how shallow this film really is.
Grade: D (put those other three movies on your netflix queue)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Frozen River
6. Frozen River
Melissa Leo hasn't really done much worth noting, not for lack of talent, though. To be honest, she doesn't have the conventional beauty for most of the parts being offered to your Cameron Diaz's or Julia Roberts'. She doesn't possess the kind of sexuality that a leading lady does. In fact, her role in Frozen River is aptly comparable to Julia Roberts' role in Erin Brockovich. Leo's character, Ray, is a kind of anti-Erin-Brockovich. Instead of relying and sometimes exploiting her good looks, Ray relies on her wits and the urgency of the moment. She turns to what she sees as a victimless crime, a lucrative proposition in which she helps smuggle people over a fuzzy, unprotected border on a Mohawk reservation. Since the border between Canada and the US runs through Mohawk territory, it is unmonitered by authorities. Seeing a better opportunity than her job at the Yankee Dollar to get the double-wide that she needs to raise her family, she and a Mohawk woman smuggle people over the border. Courtney Hunt's terrific script is both subtle and unfettered by the cautious eye of a studio head. She pulls no punches and, through her deft direction, pulls a performance out of Leo that is more haunting than it is memorable.
Grade: B+
Next Entry: Wednesday
Melissa Leo hasn't really done much worth noting, not for lack of talent, though. To be honest, she doesn't have the conventional beauty for most of the parts being offered to your Cameron Diaz's or Julia Roberts'. She doesn't possess the kind of sexuality that a leading lady does. In fact, her role in Frozen River is aptly comparable to Julia Roberts' role in Erin Brockovich. Leo's character, Ray, is a kind of anti-Erin-Brockovich. Instead of relying and sometimes exploiting her good looks, Ray relies on her wits and the urgency of the moment. She turns to what she sees as a victimless crime, a lucrative proposition in which she helps smuggle people over a fuzzy, unprotected border on a Mohawk reservation. Since the border between Canada and the US runs through Mohawk territory, it is unmonitered by authorities. Seeing a better opportunity than her job at the Yankee Dollar to get the double-wide that she needs to raise her family, she and a Mohawk woman smuggle people over the border. Courtney Hunt's terrific script is both subtle and unfettered by the cautious eye of a studio head. She pulls no punches and, through her deft direction, pulls a performance out of Leo that is more haunting than it is memorable.
Grade: B+
Next Entry: Wednesday
Monday, February 16, 2009
5. W.
George W. Bush is and will remain a person of great interest. His presidency was one wrought with failure and corruption. He deserves to be examined by authors and directors, but this movie may have come a bit too soon. I'm sure Oliver Stone's intentions were good, but the writing is so poor. the script feels more like a MadLibs(tee-em) of Bush soundbites than a narrative script. Maybe with some time and more reflection, this story would have more depth. It's a shame because the man is more interesting than this film makes him out to be. The fine performances from Elizabeth Banks, Toby Young, Richard Dreyfuss and Josh Brolin are wasted. Maybe instead of striking while the iron is hot, as he did with his last film World Trade Center he should wait a while, like with his best film, JFK.
Grade: C
Next Post: Tuesday
George W. Bush is and will remain a person of great interest. His presidency was one wrought with failure and corruption. He deserves to be examined by authors and directors, but this movie may have come a bit too soon. I'm sure Oliver Stone's intentions were good, but the writing is so poor. the script feels more like a MadLibs(tee-em) of Bush soundbites than a narrative script. Maybe with some time and more reflection, this story would have more depth. It's a shame because the man is more interesting than this film makes him out to be. The fine performances from Elizabeth Banks, Toby Young, Richard Dreyfuss and Josh Brolin are wasted. Maybe instead of striking while the iron is hot, as he did with his last film World Trade Center he should wait a while, like with his best film, JFK.
Grade: C
Next Post: Tuesday
Friday, February 13, 2009
The Breaking of Pelham 123
No no no no NO!
Goddamn Tony Scott. Why?
WHY?!
The Taking of Pelham 123 was already fine on it's own. It wasn't as serious and maybe it was a little uneven at times, but shit. It was a fully-actualized film! We don't need another one.
(next post on Monday)
Goddamn Tony Scott. Why?
WHY?!
The Taking of Pelham 123 was already fine on it's own. It wasn't as serious and maybe it was a little uneven at times, but shit. It was a fully-actualized film! We don't need another one.
(next post on Monday)
Monday, January 26, 2009
Week One Part One: 4 of 11 Movies
1. Saw V
I can't think of a storyline or a group of characters that I've wanted to see five times. This is not a good movie. On its own it would be one of the worst movies of the year. I get why people like the Saw franchise, though: I get why I keep watching the Saw franchise. It's the same reason people watched Freddy Krueger and Jason for so long: not because we're sadists or because we love torture-porn. It's because the story isn't over yet. It's like The DaVinci Code in that sense: the method is shitty, but I'll be damned if the story isn't interesting. I guess that's why people read mysteries, even though they all have the same plot line. It's interesting to note, too, that Jigsaw may have grown into our generation's Robin Hood. That's what it is, after all: a maverick doling out justice, albeit extreme and gratuitous, to guilty parties. Still, though...after Saw VI, I hope Lion's Gate is finished. On the other hand, would you trash a franchise that pays you 18 times the amount of money you put into it? Grade: C-
2. Max Payne
The best video game movie ever made. That should say more about the state of movies adapted from video games than it does about this movie. I think this movie works, but only if you've played the game. If not? Avoid it. It's violent, it's bleak, at times it's confusing...and worst of all...it stars Beau Bridges, the Randy Quaid of actors.
Oh wait. Grade: C
3. Igor
This one starts off pretty well. It starts quirky and funny, but all of the quirk and fun is sapped by the second act. It's like drinking a Jones Fufuberry soda: it starts off really delicious and slightly tart, but an hour later it leaves the worst aftertaste in your mouth and you regret drinking it. Grade: C-
4. The Express
Finally! Ernie Davis has been deserving of widespread attention for decades. Not just because he was the first Black Heisman winner, but because he was one hell of an athlete. It provides some pretty good insights on how horrible the race conditions in colleges were back in the late 50s. Overall, it's effectively acted and well-paced, even if it's not as exhaustive as I'd have liked. Also of note is that Ernie Davis was almost a Washington Redskin, but due to George Marshall's history of bigotry (there were no people of color on the team until '62, a small irony for a team called the redskins) Davis demanded that a trade to Cleveland be made, which brought Bobby Mitchell to the Redskins. In retrospect, I'd say the ole 'Skins got the better deal, considering Mitchell's all-pro ability and Davis' inability to stay alive. Some luck Cleveland has with sports, huh? Well...maybe LeBron will make things better. Grade: B
More to come on Wednesday!
I can't think of a storyline or a group of characters that I've wanted to see five times. This is not a good movie. On its own it would be one of the worst movies of the year. I get why people like the Saw franchise, though: I get why I keep watching the Saw franchise. It's the same reason people watched Freddy Krueger and Jason for so long: not because we're sadists or because we love torture-porn. It's because the story isn't over yet. It's like The DaVinci Code in that sense: the method is shitty, but I'll be damned if the story isn't interesting. I guess that's why people read mysteries, even though they all have the same plot line. It's interesting to note, too, that Jigsaw may have grown into our generation's Robin Hood. That's what it is, after all: a maverick doling out justice, albeit extreme and gratuitous, to guilty parties. Still, though...after Saw VI, I hope Lion's Gate is finished. On the other hand, would you trash a franchise that pays you 18 times the amount of money you put into it? Grade: C-
2. Max Payne
The best video game movie ever made. That should say more about the state of movies adapted from video games than it does about this movie. I think this movie works, but only if you've played the game. If not? Avoid it. It's violent, it's bleak, at times it's confusing...and worst of all...it stars Beau Bridges, the Randy Quaid of actors.
Oh wait. Grade: C
3. Igor
This one starts off pretty well. It starts quirky and funny, but all of the quirk and fun is sapped by the second act. It's like drinking a Jones Fufuberry soda: it starts off really delicious and slightly tart, but an hour later it leaves the worst aftertaste in your mouth and you regret drinking it. Grade: C-
4. The Express
Finally! Ernie Davis has been deserving of widespread attention for decades. Not just because he was the first Black Heisman winner, but because he was one hell of an athlete. It provides some pretty good insights on how horrible the race conditions in colleges were back in the late 50s. Overall, it's effectively acted and well-paced, even if it's not as exhaustive as I'd have liked. Also of note is that Ernie Davis was almost a Washington Redskin, but due to George Marshall's history of bigotry (there were no people of color on the team until '62, a small irony for a team called the redskins) Davis demanded that a trade to Cleveland be made, which brought Bobby Mitchell to the Redskins. In retrospect, I'd say the ole 'Skins got the better deal, considering Mitchell's all-pro ability and Davis' inability to stay alive. Some luck Cleveland has with sports, huh? Well...maybe LeBron will make things better. Grade: B
More to come on Wednesday!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The Worst Films I Saw in 2008: Part 3
The final three films on this list are bad. Really bad.
3. The Women
In 1938, George Cukor directed a classic movie called The Women. The genius behind Murphy Brown decided to remake it, proving that lightening doesn't strike twice in the same place. She turns The Women into more of a Maury Povich episode than a witty slapstick. The worst thing of all is how stupid and cliche she makes the characters. So what once was a movie (and play before it) championing the rights and competencies of women becomes the exact opposite.
2. Meet the Spartans
It gives me chills to think that this is a year where Meet the Spartans isn't the worst movie. This one has no recognizable plot. It's just a bunch of spoofs plugged into the plot of the Spartan movie 300, which was a little light on plot itself. The problem lies not with the form of the movie, but with the way in which it is undertaken. Instead of sending up a genre that is ripe for a little ribbing (gladiator movies, essentially; although, one of those comes along maybe once every 10 years now...this might have been a better idea had it been made around 1967 or so), the directors/writers attempt to cram as many pop culture references into 84 minutes as they can. The references don't even make sense. I wish I had a time machine so I could smack this out of my hand at Blockbusters.
1. 10,000 BC
This one is worse that the previous movie for one reason: it takes itself seriously.
The only thing good about this film is that, eventually, it ends.
The director and screenwriter are co-writing a feature film about the Mayan predictions of 2012. It's supposed to be released in November, but let's all collectively pray that, if the end of the world is coming, 2012 will be pushed back until the middle of 2012 so we never, ever have to see it.
There you have it. The 20 worst films that I saw in 2008.
Tune in on Monday for the first scheduled entry of this blog.
3. The Women
In 1938, George Cukor directed a classic movie called The Women. The genius behind Murphy Brown decided to remake it, proving that lightening doesn't strike twice in the same place. She turns The Women into more of a Maury Povich episode than a witty slapstick. The worst thing of all is how stupid and cliche she makes the characters. So what once was a movie (and play before it) championing the rights and competencies of women becomes the exact opposite.
2. Meet the Spartans
It gives me chills to think that this is a year where Meet the Spartans isn't the worst movie. This one has no recognizable plot. It's just a bunch of spoofs plugged into the plot of the Spartan movie 300, which was a little light on plot itself. The problem lies not with the form of the movie, but with the way in which it is undertaken. Instead of sending up a genre that is ripe for a little ribbing (gladiator movies, essentially; although, one of those comes along maybe once every 10 years now...this might have been a better idea had it been made around 1967 or so), the directors/writers attempt to cram as many pop culture references into 84 minutes as they can. The references don't even make sense. I wish I had a time machine so I could smack this out of my hand at Blockbusters.
1. 10,000 BC
This one is worse that the previous movie for one reason: it takes itself seriously.
The only thing good about this film is that, eventually, it ends.
The director and screenwriter are co-writing a feature film about the Mayan predictions of 2012. It's supposed to be released in November, but let's all collectively pray that, if the end of the world is coming, 2012 will be pushed back until the middle of 2012 so we never, ever have to see it.
There you have it. The 20 worst films that I saw in 2008.
Tune in on Monday for the first scheduled entry of this blog.
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